Lucky Shirt? Lucky Shirt.

So today I had my Bio and Maths paper 3 exams. Double whammy, dudes. However, I came psychologically prepared because I had my lucky shirt on. *Ahem* here it is!

Heh. I know. Look it's cartoon Spock! Just the kind of shirt I'd consider lucky. Well, it is lucky, because I thought I'd never be able to find a Star Trek T-shirt in Malaysia. (There is a depressing lack of Trekkies here...)

But believe it or not, while my sister was stalking fashion trends on the Internet, she actually found some Malaysian girl wearing this shirt. Turns out Pull and Bear was selling them, so I hopped over to get one. Literally. I think I was skipping down the mall after I'd bought it.

Anyway, about being psychologically prepared. I think I've been pretty much eating and drinking my Bio and Maths papers for the past one week's preparation, and I was still nervous. But wearing this shirt just made me feel so...secure. Like I could take on anything. I don't know, maybe it's just because Star Trek works as anti-depressants for me or something.

And I suppose when you have a serious-looking Spock plastered over your front in a quiet exam hall, you kind of concentrate and try to be logical as well. So I think I did alright, concentrating and answering all the questions. I felt...peaceful? Yeah, quite serene actually. (Was I meditating?!!)

My football-crazy friend came in a Manchester United jersey, and my eco-friendly friend came in a green shirt. So I guess a lucky shirt isn't lucky because it has magical powers, it's lucky because you like it and it calms you down. It kind of reassures you that you can even answer weird questions if you just tweak your brain to think sensibly.

Hmm I think this luckiness doesn't just apply to clothing, it applies to anything that lands you in a relaxed and peaceful state of mind. I'd been drawing when I took study breaks, and that really helped because I happen to like doing it. It's good to have a hobby, mmhmm.

For today, I'd suggest to readers to really find out what totally relaxes you and puts you in that meditating sort of mind. It should be something that you can keep coming back to, and something that you really enjoy doing. Perhaps it's these little things that keep human beings sane.

Farewell, internet! Gonna draw something fluffy now.

Buddha Says.

I have not been the most religious person in my life. My visits to various Buddhist temples mostly involve some Chinese New Year prayers. I don't read the sutras everyday. I don't really go vegetarian.

But one thing Buddha says is VERY true. Its "Desiring is suffering."

But I mean, isn't it human nature to desire? We want to be so much better than we are now, to move forwards, to evolve and such. Then I realised it probably meant personal desire, materialistic desire.

Like how we want new cars, clothes, items, gadgets. I think so. I have seen so many fashion blogs and wishlists--sometimes I wonder what is the drive behind people that causes them to shop and buy and consume and use all these garments, all these accessories.

It's good to look presentable, but why do we keep chasing these fashions? Since they probably repeat every decade or so.

I've faced cases where I wanted things really badly. It was 'suffering', you could say. You want it so badly that you find yourself sucked into a vortex and you cannot come out because your oxygen tank is at the very bottom of that vortex.

For me, the things I have wanted are quite intangible. For example, more friends. Having grown up a painfully shy kid, I suddenly wanted to mingle more for fear of missing out. I guess I musnt've been terribly good at it, because sometimes I make friends whom I cannot keep. I'm not horribly close to people from my primary and secondary schools, though sometimes I wish I had been. It's difficult for me to maintain friendships by calling people if I don't see them every day.

Probably explains why my Facebook wall is so randomised. The people I know are random and all over the place. Friends come, and go.

Also, having grown up with a pathological fear of the opposite sex, there was probably a point when I would have traded my left kidney just for some male attention.

Heck, my left kidney and a slice of my liver. Perhaps I was 'suffering' whenever I'd see a dude with a chick and they were all so happy and la-la-land and all. It was a bit of a 'wallflower' moment, a bit of a 'why not ME???' moment.

I think, screw it. We only want the things that people have. We want the attention that someone else is getting, and we know it. I listened to Buddha. I tried to stop wanting stuff and just let my personality develop.

And at the end of 16 years or so, you have this semi-sarcastic, random, sci-fi crazy chick who is writing internet poop. You know what, I kind of like her. I suppose if you cannot like yourself you can't really expect other people to want to befriend you. And maybe once you feel at peace with yourself then other people won't see your insecurity. Ergo, much easier to talk to others.

When I stopped wanting I felt a bit better. And strangely, now I do somewhat have what I want. Buddha, you are one cool dude.

Pardon this somewhat narcissistic post. I like writing things out. At least I hope that this internet poop will benefit/entertain/make you laugh with pity in some way. 

Life is a Mathematical Probability.

Correction. Life is a series of mathematical probabilities.

Yeah, it's another one of those crazy ideas that I hold true for myself. Anyways, the more I think about it the truer it seems.

There has been this concept that writers of science fiction love: parallel realities.

Indeed, if there were many different realities something different would happen in each one, right? Because I think that the outcome of anything depends on many factors. For example, the probability of me being in London now is very very small, but if someone were nice enough to give me a free ticket, and if by chance I have enough money for taxi fare and a hotel, I would be happily sipping a cup of tea over there now.

Unfortunately, no one has showed up at my doorstep to give me a free flight, but it COULD happen. =) Just depends on what people decide to do.

Anyway, I have realised some things about this idea, some practical things.

Firstly, when I use mathematical probability to look at crappy situations, it doesn't seem so bad. Because I always remind myself it's just a probability that the situation went wrong. It could've been better. But for some undissected reason, it chose the sucky probability.

But the probability of you reacting badly to the situation is controlled mostly by one variable--how you choose to react.

My choice has been to treat it as a probability, and just put it behind you. Once it has happened, it technically is considered history. After all it's the now we're really interested in.

I've tried practicing what I preach, and I always feel a lot better after that.

Now there are some things which seem beyond my control. I mean, what are the chances of me getting to met Zachary Quinto and have a full-on conversation with him, right?

I'd probably have to move to LA and end up stalking him or something. =D

But I think the reason why my chances are low is because I feel the need to develop some better conversational skills, and also because meeting Mr. Quinto isn't really part of the list of "VERY IMPORTANT GOALS" that I have somewhere in my brain right now.

But sometime, somewhere, I feel that there is an alternate version of me talking to him right now. =)

So, is mathematical probability really fixed? Or can you change it?

I think that if you have a goal, and you are really fired up about it, and you really feel like plunging straight into it, you can indeed change the probability of success.

I think that if you can really feel that you are doing something good for yourself by achieving a certain goal, no matter how hard you think it is or how tough people say it is, then you will probably not care.

You would probably want to do everything to acheive that goal, so you are inspired to take more action. And as I found out, any action, dumb or smart, is better than not doing anything.

This year I made a resolution to be more social and interactive, and improve conversational skills.

I think it's only the first couple of weeks, but thanks to the clubs at college I've met many nice and interesting people, even though I don't get to see them much except outside class. I've decided to join debate, and actively listen more to people when they talk. I've taken appropriate action, and I feel just a little bit closer to my goal.

Anyway, that's just what I've found out so far. There are people who talk about creating your own reality, and I do believe in that, but it's going to take me quite some time to properly accept it. I mean, in that creating reality thing you can supposedly even change the laws of gravity if you wanted to!

And I just can't really accept shaking up the laws of physics, so I'm gonna stick to working with mathematical probability for now. It's working fine for me.

And probability predicts there are some people who think I'm weird for writing this, but hey, don't knock it till you try it.

And Then It Got Philosophical.

Firstly, thanks to anyone who reads my blog. I know it's quite few right now, but still, at least there are people. =)

Secondly, I'm just so glad to have resolved a niggling feeling that's been occupying my brain since late last year.

A while ago, I was musing whether I should take up physics as a career. Maybe an astrophysicist or something in the quantum mechanics field. Theory and all that, or carrying out experiments to do with smashing atoms and stuff. But then for a long time I've also wanted to do medicine.

For a while all I did was think about it. You can say I thought myself crazy.

Then a few days ago, while reading about dark energy and the universe, it dawned on me that maybe I didn't want to do physics after all.

You see, the reason I like weird things like spacetime and wave-particle duality is because it's something to think about, a puzzle. And I think in a freaky philosophical sense, I associate it with death. Quantum theory speaks of our consciousness observing things. Is there really such a consciousness in animals?

If you put a cat in a box, and it has the probability of dying or being alive in the next hour, and you need a consciousness to observe just one result, does the cat have its own consciousness?

Or does it need a human being to observe it? And what happens to this consciousness when you die? It is still there?

And where did the universe come from? What happens down a black hole?

If I were a physicist I'm afriad I would be thinking all day. I'll probably think myself to insanity; that's just what I tend to do.

On the other hand if I pursued medicine I would be busy at the least. I would be doing things everyday. I would be doing things that would help people. I would be doing things my whole life, and I wouldn't have the chance to think myself to insanity.

And then perhaps I could read and think about physics in my spare time. =)

I think this is the best resolution I have come up with. I'm happy with it.

Simplify.

I realise that we worry a lot. I realise I worry a lot too. If you've read my last entry, you'd realise my "worrying" includes a lot of writing things out.

Now that I'm in a more stable frame of mind, I'd like to just write out what I've learnt during the past few days.

1) The world doesn't just revolve around me


I think I've made this mistake before. I'm quite sure most of us do. When we encounter some problems it becomes our world. We spend our days thinking about those problems, and it just consumes us. It takes a while to step back and look at it objectively (being 'logical' as I call it).

If you think about the fact that our own universe could one day contract, or go on expanding until everything in it is torn apart, your own issues start to look really small.


2) Don't overthink.


Guilty as charged. I think a lot. About death, about life, about what I'm going to do next, about why I'm thinking, about global warming, about aliens, about people on the Earth.

I read somewhere that the only thing you ever have is right now, or the present. If you concentrate on the present, you have no need to worry about the past (it's all just in your memories now) or the future (why worry about something you don't know for sure anyway?)

Anyways, I tried it. I lived my days one hour at a time. I pushed myself into whatever things I was doing. I actually concentrated on the moment I did mundane things like shower and eat. When I showered, I concentrated on showering only.

It's actually quite a pleasurable way to live. Most of my unnecessary thoughts were eliminated when I just focused on whatever I was doing. And in a way, I did feel a little more content, a little more satisfied, and a little less worried.


I hope that whatever what I have just said can help you too, in any way imaginable.

Living Life Logically--Day 30

Today is the last day of my 30-day trial of living logically. This is the day on which I decide to either continue living in this way, or not to.

So would I contiune to live logically?

Of course! For as long as I live. =)

These past 30 days have been a great experience for me, and I have learnt a lot about the basis of logic and the line between logic and emotion.

One of my original goals was to get rid of irrational fear, such as fear of noises in the dark, fear of what other people say, and fear of being responsibility and getting things done. I thought, it wouldn't be logical to be afraid of something that you don't even want to approach.

Another goal was to control my emotions and prevent them from taking over me totally. This proved to be quite successful as well, and I am better at dealing with emotions such as frustration and anger. When I usually felt bad, I would ask myself: "Is it logical to waste energy on feeling this way? Or would you rather learn what you have to and get over it?"

This logical lifestyle helped me to get over general laziness as well. Instead of wasting my time hour by hour, now at least I waste it minute by minute. =) I'm still practicing waking up early, like 4.30 am, to get things done. And so far, it's good. I have indeed, cleared up more free time for myself.

There was a little dilemma along the way, which was me wondering whether to be a physicist or study medicine. I've decided--its' medicine, because I think that if I get really good at it, I get to be in touch with people, and then contribute more directly to the advancement of the human race. It's a big hope, but I think it's more logical to be hopeful than pessimistic, since we live in the present, not the future. At the least, you can make your present moment a great one.

Oh, and I saw the Twitter account of a doctor working in the International Space Station which is orbiting around Earth. One day, I would like to be a space doctor too, working in space, floating around in the cosmos. Like Bones from Star Trek! Now this hope, I know, is achievable.

Speaking of Twitter, I used it a LOT during the last 30 days, and I found so many inspirational quotes from very motivating people, who all found me on Twitter by chance. They all share the common belief that how our reality is, is how we want to create it. In other words, your thoughts can actually create things. I do believe in this because there are scientists who actually research such things, for example those from the Institute Of Noetic Sciences (from Dan Brown's book, but it's a real institution). Their findings point to the fact that our thoughts can indeed change things.

Moreover, I experienced a new sense of calm during my logic trial. By not succumbing to destructive emotions, I could actually see bad things as something to learn from, not something designed to stop me. After all, life is a learning process, all of it.

Besides negative emotions, I did actually dissect some positive ones, such as celebrity crushes. I've arrived at the conclusion that part of any crush happens because we feel that we see something in the other person that corresponds to us. For example, I'm always very inspired by the way actors and actresses act on screen, and how they play different emotions and roles so well. There is something about this skill and confidence that I myself wish I had more of (I'm not a very confident person sometimes).

In short, I believe all crushes have this element of admiration that we feel for the other person, something that seems, to me, to be a way of saying we are all connected some way, by consciousness. (See living life logically day 4)

So what's next, you ask? Well, this is only the beginning; I may start a series of new trials with logic, such as using it to improve socially, or using it to ask deeper questions such as "Why are we here?"

But now, I'll probably just take a break for a week or so before starting the next trial.

To anyone who read any part of my blog, thank you for your time. I hope I have inspired you to live a bit more logically. If I haven't, thank you for getting to know my thoughts anyway. ;D

Living Life Logically--Day 29

Wow! It's the 29th day of my logical self-trial. I'll post my verdict on it tomorrow. haha. Keep you waiting.

Well, the college's Scarefest was good. =) Sugee and gang really worked their butts off making the haunted house. Which was a blast, by the way. Appropriately spooky and authentic. Especially that creepy background noise she managed to download... They really had fun. All in all, great!

I went as the female Spock, by the way. It felt so good to be so logical. Really. I felt very 'in the zone', and all I did besides helping out was to feel so happy that the Scarefest was going quite well. I'll just put up a photo here:

From the left: Imran (he was the mad scientist) Esther, (the one dressed as a witch) Isabelle (She did the lighting and sounds for the house) and well, that's me on the very right. Oh, and the bloodstained mannequin which was subject to much molestation.

Speaking of Halloween, I'll talk about brains now. My grandma has Alzheimer's dementia, and while not in the worst stage yet, she has moments where she can't remember who we are or what day it is or what she just did.

It's sad, really. I still wonder why this disease is so common, and as of now there is no fixed cure, only drugs that can stall the progress of the disease. I think I want to read up more on this disease, and I saw some interesting brain books in the bookstore as well, including "My Stroke of Luck" and "Brain Rules".

"My Stroke of Luck" is about the victim of a stroke to the left brain, who is forced to use her right brain instead. The left brain is the logical, analytical side, while the right brain is creative and intuitive. By focusing using her right brain, the author found a whole new sense of inner peace and ascceptance that her left brain wouldn't allow otherwise.

"Brain Rules" talks about how the brain works, how we are programmed for lifelong learning, and how to use your own brain to your best advantage. I plan to buy either both or just one of these books sometime in the future, they seem really interesting. And they seem to give logic a whole new meaning--for me, I think it has to involve emotions, but the only thing is, don't let the emotions overtake you.

Sorry Spock, I don't think cutting out your emotions totally is right. :D

Living Life Logically--Day 27

It has now occurred to me that I may not have made some very logical chocies concerning my time management skills, and my activities.

I mean, Japanese class every Thursday night for 2 hours?

Violin practice every day for the exam.

Applications to universities that must be finished by the early half of next year.

On top of it all, A-levels.

Don't get me wrong--I'm not complaining too much about it. But it is getting a little overwhelming right now. That's why I'm blogging about it--in order to get it out of my system. With all the projects and stuff, ergh.

Not to mention weekends are for 'family time' and stuff so I have to squeeze even more out of my weekdays.

A totally logical person would probably make timetables everyday and follow it. I know I'll kill myself trying to follow a nice fixed timetable, so I've just shrunken it to reminder lists and a list of important dates to keep track of. Not very detailed, but it works. =)

Oh. And sleep. I need to sleep, so that the brain can actually rest. (Unless it's producing freaky time-travel dreams).

Living Life Logically--Day 25

Um...it's day 25 of the living life logically challenge--going to end quite soon. But up till then, let's just go along for the ride. ;D

This Friday is the college's Halloween scarefest, I was thinking of going either as a pirate or the female Spock. But most likely the female Spock. However, pointy ears are hard to find in Malaysia, and my craft-making skills are brrflppt. Most probably I'll pin my hair so my ears look like they're pointy and sticking out or something. It's time to improvise. ;)

I have been warned that I risk social suicide if I go as the female Spock. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure whether there are many Star Trek fans in school apart from me, Sugeeta and Jinn. Oh well. The main thing is for me to have fun, eh. Shouldn't care too much about what other people think.

Here I must remind myself again that the purpose of living life logically is to remove irrational fear, and one of the irrational fears is fear of what other people would say. As long as I'm cool with it, it shouldn't matter.

Living Life Logically--Day 22

I have nothing much to blog about today, except that Joo Yun came over and we studied together because there's a lotta darn things to study. I think it was a good idea because we actually managed to concentrate on our work...if I were studying alone today I probably would've ended up watching some random series or movie on the computer instead.

So now, I can waste my time without worrying too much about it. =)

I think A-levels can turn you into a homebody. But I don't really mind. My hobbies are pretty much one-person affairs such as reading, blogging, drawing and playing music.

But I'm sure you don't want to just read about my day. So today I'll just blog about people's hobbies and interests, including my own.

As you probably already know, I enjoy watching Sci-Fi, (Spock! Star Trek! Big Bang Theory! The Fifth Element!) and also reading sci-fi novels. (Dune, Zima Blue, Artemis Fowl is to some extent quite sci-fi-ish).

And you may wonder how I can like sci-fi, especially if you don't like it, or if you don't understand it. Well, I sometimes also wonder how some people can like shopping and totally commit themselves to it, following all the trends and such.

To put it basically, sci-fi is some sort of escapism for me; the shows I watch and the books I read are like places where I let my imagination run along with the story, and forget about the outside world for a while.

I also like the hope that sci-fi offers: a glimpse at how our human race may advance, or triumph, and cross new boundaries, and also at the same time, understand ourselves better. I actually enjoy reading books on modern physics because it's so weird and so arcane, yet, it seems, we might actually be on the way to understanding the very nature of the Universe and reality itself.

It might seem like a very big hope to you, but it's certainly a hope that I enjoy indulging in.

Another thing is, what do you enjoy? What hobbies do you fill up your spare time with? I guess it's unrealistic to expect everyone to share the same hobbies and tastes because the world is a great big spinning blob of rock and metal, and there are so many different things you can take an interest in.

Hobbies are great things because they are like creative outlets for people to express themselves, whether it's by playing piano or critically reviewing a book or playing sports or having a Grey's Anatomy marathon. It's so great to actually say, "I made that." or "I think that this is..." because your hobbies and interests feel natural to you.

My hobbies and interests somehow make me feel...connected, not just to people who share my interests, but to the things I'm interested in as well, along with everything else. And I feel just so very happy when I think about that.

It all started with a Big Bang, and everything we like and everything we are came from that. It just makes me feel so...peaceful, and now getting to know different people seems more like getting to a different part of the big picture, a different piece of the puzzle, even if the different pieces aren't the same as you, or even if they don't think and act like you. Yeah, even if they downright clash with you.

I'm feeling quite postitive as I wrap up this post. And that is good.

Living Life Logically--Day 21

Haven't blogged for two days...

Anyways, I've just finished reading Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol. Good book. Good twists. But I think it wasn't much of a thriller, rather it was more like a way to spread a message to the public.

What message was it huh?

Basically he's trying to say: God lies within the human him/herself. We all have untapped potential just waiting to be used in the right way.

Some evidence offered by the book includes the scientist Katherine Solomon talking about the brain scans of meditating yogis, which show that the brain's pineal gland produces a wax-like secretion which actually repairs and heals cells. I'm not too sure about this, gotta do some reading on it. The book thinks that this may be why yogis can live so long.

I've also heard about gamma-waves emitted by the brain in a highly meditative state.

But I fully support the idea of there being unlimited potential in the human mind, and that our thoughts can affect things. Supposedly, the book says our thoughts have mass. And like anything that has mass, it exerts a certain gravity. So if many people share the same thoughts, i.e. mass worship, mass prayer, or even just thinking happy thoughts, it could actually change an aspect of our physical reality.

I've had some success with my own thoughts and intentions too.

I've had pretty positive expereinces with Twitter. I joined initially to stalk famous people, but at the same time, I wanted to find positive people, ones who actually cared about changing reality.

I didn't know who these people would be, but after a few tweets, some random positive people actually started following me. And more and more came. More positive people are adding me to their list. And all I had to do was to be confident and think positively that I would achieve my goal.

I even thought more about reading the news and knowing what's going on in the world. And an account which provides regular news updates started following me too.

So keep an open mind...and try out the power of intention.

Living Life Logically--Day 18

I'm sorry to all readers who have been following my posts so far, lately it's all about me rambling on and on about choosing medicine or astrophysics as a career...

Anyways, attended a Michigan State University talk today; found out more info about the U.S. university system; I quite like the fact that everyone needs to learn a bit of science and arts in the first two years of undergraduate study.

Today, we had our bio presentations on infectious diseases. My group did AIDS, and even though we were a bit fast, I thought we were ok. Not too bad. I sat in with Lina and Josephine on BS6's presentations as well, the other class was good. We only managed to watch until Izzie and gang's presentation, but still, fascinating.

When I watched all those presentations, I felt a twinge of sadness when I saw the videos of all the victims of diseases, especially those who cannot be cured even though the disease is treatable, as they live in poverty.

I guess, medicine offers something up-close and personal, as I would interact with many many human beings, as opposed to astrophysics. To me, somehow, interacting with many people seems part of any job I would like to have.

I find people interesting. I find their views interesting, even those who believe in things I wouldn't. Yes, even sick people are interesting.

I think I am an optimist; besides all the sick twisted criminals and crazy people in the world, I feel that we can advance, and we can indeed put aside our differences and world towards that advancement.

In fact, I believe that once we learn to unify ourselves properly as a race and civilisation, then only can we proceed to the very big stuff like space travel and intergalactic visits at speeds previously unimaginable. Who knows, we may actually find life and civilisation beyond Earth.

This sounds a lot like Star Trek, huh? But think about it: if we unify ourselves, we are a force of 6 billion with many different talents, and all of that can be extracted for use. And if we use our technology and konowledge properly, then we can certainly tackle bigger things like venturing out into space, and understanding more about the nature of this bizarre but wonderful Universe we happen to find ourselves in.

As a human race, we aren't very advanced as a whole yet. If we were, there would be no separation of less and more economically developed countries, and no cases where people who are too poor to afford treatment...I've also read a bit about the U.S.A's healthcare reform, and it just seems so tangled at the moment.

Well, I just got to thinking, I'd get to make a more direct contribution to the human race in the field of medicine. My dad gave me some inspiration too; he said, "It will be a wonderful time when technology has eliminated the need for surgery. And it will be even better if a surgeon pioneers the surgery-less technique."

I haven't made a fixed decision yet, but I figure I could always study medicine and then study the physics on the side. This option seems to work best with me, and it feels the best to me; well, it wasn't made on a logical basis, but more of an intuitive basis. But logically, I get the best of both worlds this way. =D

Living Life Logically--Day 17

Quickie blog.

I talked to teachers and career guidance counsellors at the college today; they said they'd help me find out more, but I would have to do my own homework and research too, on astrophysics and careers in astronomy.

Geographical location and facilities are big influences, so the U.S.A or U.K. would seem like the best places to go. Australia is alright, but facilities wise it's not like what the U.S. would have.

I've also checked out job and employment statistics (U.S.), and I must ask myself if I'm really willing to commit to academia and a life of research instead of an industry, like medicine.

The option of me just learning and reading up on physics and astronomy on the side while pursuing a career in medicine seems the most sensible choice still.

If I think about this any more, I'll go crazy. Best to just focus on A-levels for the time being, and wait for my thoughts to calm down.

Living Life Logically--Day 16

The last two or three days have been a bit...emotional for me.

It's mainly about the decision to study medicine, or to become an astrophysicist. Or more specifically, cosmology with all the dark matter and all that.

See, I just found out that career opportunities are quite limited. And the pay isn't great, but if you're doing what you love then it shouldn't matter.

And you have to be good at computers...and I'm not that into computer science. But mainly, it's maths and physics, and I like both subjects a lot.

For a girl from Malaysia, where could I work? People would say NASA of USA has the best technology; but what about other countries? I have to find out more before I decide to plunge totally into astrophysics.

What disturbs me is that I became interested in stars and galaxies and space and sci-fi and life in outer space before I ever found biology and chemistry and life on Earth interesting.

Most people would say follow your heart and do what you love. I'm inclined to do so, but then again my parents are quite pro-enter the medical field. My mother has hinted to me though that she'll support whatever I decide to do. =)

It's like some mid-life crisis, only I'm not even middle-aged yet.

The other disturbing thing is that when I was young (6-8 yrs) I was really interested in space; then I forgot about it from then on until late last year or so. And then this year I read some stuff about quantum physics combined with some astrophysics. And boom. Interest rekindled. Is this some kind of prompt to ask me to decide wisely, before I enter univesity and it's too late to turn back?

Or is my sudden rekindled interest in physics merely a passing fancy?

I also find images of outer space and planets and nebulae very beautiful, compared to people's organs and X-rays and CT scans.

I really need to talk to other people to find things out; that's the logical side of me talking. The logical side also says to consider income and supporting myself.

Hmm. The logical and intuitive sides of me are both urging me to actually discover what I really want to do with my life.

Even though this is quite unsettling for me, I place my trust in myself, and I'm sure the answer will be clear after a while.

After all, it's only logical to do what you love for this lifetime, and make the most out of it.

Living Life Logically--Day 15

Today's post is about logic and a decision.

So last night, I bought some random sci-fi from MPH and I found myself feeling very excited as I stared at the spaceship on the cover.

Spaceships make me happy. And excited. And I feel that at last, there may be some hope for mankind.

No, it didn't happen after watching Star Trek. I've always been interested in space and whatever else there is out there since I was young. Star Trek just happened to bring that interest back. =)

I'm not sure if this is permanent or not, but I find my interest in Physics growing beyond that of Biology. I still like Bio, just not as much as I used to. I'm guessing that the sudden interest came after I read some stuff on string theory and quantum physics and relativity...

It's all very fascinating to me. I especially like the fact that modern physics is so far out from what we call 'logic' and 'common sense', but yet it is true. It's been proven, to some extent at least. An example was the photon polarisation experiment which proved that something is measurable only because we INTEND to measure it.

Well, now I'm not sure whether to pursue a career in physics or medicine. It's always been medicine, but now I hesitate, because the idea of being a physicist is quite...tempting. I'm particularly interested in modern physics with all its sub-atomic particles and such.

I like the fact that modern physics is coming closer to looking at consciousness, and how our thoughts can affect physical matter. It's the whole Law of Attraction at work, and I'm excited at what physics can actually prove.

Hmm. And the Large Hadron Collider at CERN may actually be suffering from time travel consequences. Google "time travel LHC".

It's an exciting time to be alive.

I was thinking about this problem last night before I fell asleep and I had the weirdest dream after that.

My whole family went to a cinema and we were planning to watch Superman or some film like that, can't remember. Then, suddenly, the screen went dark and I saw planets coming onto it and...

...the film turned out to be Star Trek. And not only that, a whole new storyline that was just too random and weird. (let's just say it involved Kirk and Spock hanging out by a river with drunk people) Then I woke up, and felt like I didn't sleep at all! Like I was moving from the dream world into the real one, smooth transition, no sleep in between.

Geez, I don't know whether my obsession with spaceships and aliens is finally manifesting itself, or whether it's a sign that I carry on with physics instead of medicine.

What would I do, logically?

Well, I've listed some upsides and downsides.

Physicist upside:
1)I get to wonder about atoms and string theory and consciousness and time travel all the time.

2)It's so very exciting to me.

3)I get to do maths, which I like.

4)I feel that I want to understand more about the fundamental nature of reality.

Downsides:
1)There's a LOT of math involved. I don't know for sure if I want to touch that.

2)I don't get to be around as many people as I would if I studied medicine. And I find people interesting.

Medicine upside:
1) I get to improve people's quality of life.

2) I get to meet a lot of different people, which I like. Even if most of them will be sick.

3) In a mechanical sort of way, the human body is interesting.

4) I still get to wonder about consciousness and the brain.

Downside:
1)It just doesn't seem as interesting as physics now. I like schizophrenic atoms more.

Well, I guess the best answer I can give now is to still pursue medicine, while at the same time, I can always read up on the physics on my own. After all, the math IS a lot, and I just like to understand the concepts.

Well, I don't really want an either/or option. I'm looking for a way to combine both my interests, and I think that is the best way to go about it.

What do you guys think?

Living Life Logically--Day 13

Today's my birthday. Hit the sweet 16 mark. Got some very thoughtful gifts today (thanks guys for the delicious fruit cake, and the poster of Zachary Quinto, Eric Dane and Jonathan Rhys Meyers and the spongy gooey choc cake from my family, and the cutest cow plushie on Earth from my cousin.

Thank you friends and family--you guys are so meaningful.

Since I haven't blogged yesterday, I will blog today. Today's post is about logic and fame.

So I have done some logical dissection thing on our celebrity crushes. (Living Life Logically day 3) Wouldn't it be great to meet someone you really respect and admire? And not only just in a (oh my god he's like so hot) kind of way. It goes for liking what they're good at, and their skills.



Well, I want to meet the 3 guys mentioned above in the 1st para. But I wouldn't just spaz and be hyper if I do (at least I hope not!) I don't know, guess I'd just like to have a good conversation instead of random hyperness eh. Y'know, tell them how much of a positive impact they've had on my life and all that (I get happy just watching TV shows and movies) and I'm a fan of your work and how can you act in so many different roles and blah.

Hey, I'd even like to meet Einstein (if he were still around) and Stephen Hawking and famous people in the sciences. (I get happy just reading about science too). Listen to them talk about non-locality and spacetime and black holes and wormholes and stuff like that.

I've actually even thought of becoming famous, just to see what it's like to have hordes of fans expressing their adulation.

Hey, but fame does come at a price. I mean, just look at them tabloid magazines. There's just no preserving your privacy sometimes. I wonder how celebrities and what not feel about it.

So if I do become famous, I don't want to be very famous and stuff; it'll be the end of any private life, I think. Hmm. I think, for the record, I want to be famous for some contribution to science. Yeap, I think being famous for the performing arts has pretty much beeen covered already. ;D Maybe I'll be semi-famous. Famous within my community or area which I live in, I think. Yeah. That seems better.

I want to talk a bit about the Law of Attraction. My friend Esther is a big believer of it. If you hold a thought long enough in your head, it will manifest. I believe in it too, because it has worked for me.

So Esther asked me: "Why don't you just manifest meeting all these people that you want to meet?"

Good question. However, sometimes I always think that famous people are too far away from me. Well, I guess it's time to change all of that. Article about Anton Zeilinger and quantum physics in SEED magazine: http://seedmagazine.com/content/article/the_reality_tests/ aims to prove that we do indeed create the world we live in, just by thinking it.

Of course, it would be quite far-fetched to say that if we don't think about the Moon, it doesn't exist. But...it might be proven one day. ;D

But on a small microscopic scale, Mr. Zeilinger and team have tried to measure the polarisation of light particles (photons). Now I don't exactly know what that is, but the point is that they were trying to measure something which defined a photon.

So people generally think that the polarisation exists before we take something to measure it, so it is already there. It's just like how we think our world already exists without us thinking about it.

But the experiment showed that the polarisations truly didn't exist before being measured. In other words, the polarisations only exist because we tried to measure them. if we didn't try to measure them, we wouldn't have polarisations to measure. I guess you could say our thoughts of measuring them create the polarisations.

So now he is trying to prove the same result with larger objects such as mirrors. I'm not exactly sure what he plans to do, but it's the start of a new way of looking at things for me.

So can I really use the Law of Attraction to manifest meeting famous people? Well, Mr. Zeilinger's experiment has given me hope. To put it logically, if the mind really affects our world, then by thinking negatively I would only send out negative results. Hence, a positive mind would send out positive results. So, wouldn't it be better for me to send out positive thoughts?

Well, sorry for the long post. Had a lot to talk about. I'll post more on the Law of Attraction (LoA) tomorrow, and other things.

Living Life Logically--Day 11

Today's post will be on logic and the supernatural.

My friend Lina says that all her logical friends seem to see things in black and white. They don't allow for exceptions or flexibility. Now, to me, doing that seems illogical. I admit that logic isn't always infallible; being too logical restricts your opinions and options.

Last night, I had a little discussion with my cousin Ee about the supernatural. Our other cousin, J, used to work at a TV production company. They sent her out on weird assignments like filming ghosts and other ethereal things.

So J said that she has actually seen some of these supernatural beings. They usually reside in 'kampung' or rural areas. J was a camerawoman, and was filming a group of people when one of them had his eyes turn red and he went crazy, just chasing people around. And she caught it all on camera.

When a close relative of yours tells you this sort of thing, there really is no reason for them to lie. So, I quite believe J. Even my mother has told me that she has seen my deceased grandmother's spirit. So, I don't think it is logical to totally disapprove of ghosts and things.

J stayed at a nice 5-star hotel during an assignment once. Suddenly, at 12 am, the TV which she'd left on kept going on and off. She had two phones and they kept flicking on and off simultaneously. Logically, she would have run out of the door, right? But she was so freaked out she couldn't move. Would be the same for me too if I were the one.

So she did the next best logical thing--contact Ee's mum by phone, even though it kept going on and off. Eventually she reached Ee's mum, who told her to repeat a Buddhist chant to herself. Religion, as she sees it, is just to give you strength when you need it, no need to be too fanatical about it.

So J repeated it over and over, and it made her clamer. eventually she gained courage and rushed out of the door to the receptionist. She learnt that they had got her room number wrong, but the records were lost and they didn't know who gave her the wrong key. "No-one's supposed to get your room," they said.

As I see it, all this sort of spirits and stuff are like pools of energy. According to what I hear from my family, they attack you when you are in low spirits, or in general negative and gloomy. My belief is that when you are in that sort of state of despair, your energy seems to match theirs, so they affect you more. When you are positive, you are on a different energy level, so they don't affect you at all.

I did blog about consciousness once (see Living Life Logically Day 4). It wouldn't be too far to say that spirits and all may just be yet another different representation of consciousness. It just seems logical to think about them this way. What about you?

Living Life Logically--Day 9

Today, logic was put to the test. A nice, big test.

I find it really funny that when I tried to live logically, somehow my sentences got "cut"--I spoke only the basics of the sentence, and sounded quite emotionless. Instead of "Oh My God that movie was like, the greatest thing since sliced bread!" I said ,"Fascinating movie. Food for thought."

I started laughing when my sisters told me to cut it out, talking that way. I just have to THINK that way, I guess.

Anyway, my parents gave a me the "you are growing up so you'd better be more responsible" talk. Apparently I don't help out enough, I don't keep track of my money properly, and I don't consider timing and circumstances when I ask for favours from them.

To consider it logically, this means I'm going to have to start being more helpful around the house if I want to make a nice, good impact on them. Oh well, another challenge to overcome. =)

Well, today my father got really angry due to various reasons, among which involved him fetching me to the other side of town last night at 8.00pm (so he couldn't rest) and also him fetching me to Japanese class today (so he had to put up with lunchtime jams).

I think the poor guy is stressed, from work and all. No, I do not intend to sound patronising, but I really think that is the reason. He worries too much. About what? I think, practically everything, about the house, about me, about my sister, about his job, well, even about himself.

I'm aware that this is rather personal, so I don't know why I'm typing it here. But perhaps it does help me to think about it in a clearer way. Why do most adults I know look stressed? Or maybe it just happens to be in my family's genes. =P

I haven't found a logical answer to why adults around me look stressed, but I think I've figured out how to minimise their stress. I guess, I just have to lay low, and avoid saying anything incendiary. And also at the same time, just keep a positive mindset, and just concentrate on doing what I'm supposed to do (studently stuff, house help, etc...)

I figure that if adults don't have to worry about me, they'll have less on their plates, at the least.

But this much I know: I definitely don't want to look and be so worried by the time I reach adult-money-making-hood. I just don't think it's logical to be so worried.

Living Life Logically--Day 7

I feel quite good about my logical progress so far, after a week. Even though there were times of annoyance, at myself and other people, I'm comforted by the fact that some logical assurance was enough to make me see things another way. Yes, even though it sometimes took hours or a day to come to terms with the logic.

I'm going to give an example: Waking my sister up after her nap. It's practically impossible. She'll sleep on and on for two hours even though she has told you to wake her up after 15 mins. Normally when I try to wake her I'll shake her roughly or something, maybe poke her hard if I need to.

This time, I tried talking logically to annoy her. It worked. I said stuff like, "Well, you have a test tomorrow and it would be unwise to continue napping." and also "You should eat something for energy."

Well, she got annoyed and woke up, not forgetting to curse me as I walked out of the room. I usually respond with a simliar curse. To take it logically, she's just grumpy because her nap's been interrupted, so I tried ignoring her for a bit. And sure enough, 15 mins later she's all smiles.

It may seem like a lame example, but I'm afraid I don't have a better one. :D

I'm also testing out a theory: sleeping early and waking up even earlier. I figured that since I'd have to be at college by 8.30 for five days per week and have to get up early (about 6-ish), I'd try to wake up earlier (4.30am) and do stuff. Like unfinished homework. Or the revision for chemistry (with Ms. Nor you have to be on your toes, aye.)

...So at night I'd sleep at 9.00 or 9.30 instead of the usual 11.00 or 12.00. And I could find plenty of time to do things like watch movies and learn how to cook by the time I came back home. It's quite logical to me, because I get distracted at night easily (by numerous things) and I don't get much done. Solution: do stuff in the morning.

So...anyone heard of the Big Bang Theory TV series? It's a sitcom about these two physicists, Leonard and Sheldon, who live across from Penny, a stereotypical pretty "dumb blonde". Actually, Leonard and Sheldon are the typical geeks/nerds you come across, with their social circle of Myspace friends, and TV marathons of Battlestar Galactica and Star Trek.

...The TV marathons part sounds like what I would do. =P

So imagine two smart guys and a simple girl. result: Funny! I've only watched the pilot episode so far but I already like it. Leonard and Sheldon talk about serious science all the time, like string theory and quantum physics and events and causality, but they still manage to inject humour into it. And they're so logical but awkward, which makes it all the more entertaining.

Signing off, people. Have a great weekend.

Living Life Logically--Day 6

Today's post will be on logic and reading the news.

Critical thinking skills is one of the subjects I take at school, and having good general knowledge is quite a big advantage. I admit that my level of general knowledge is not satisfactory; therefore I am now aiming to read the news on the BBC website everyday.

Technically, I'm supposed to be at Japanese class now but there's an Elluminate live Chemistry class again tonight. Speaking of the Japanese, my dad just hit me with a piece of news:

"Hey, you'd better watch this documentary. You know what it's about? It's about WWII, when the Japanese raped and killed Korean women and other citizens. Then you'll see what's so damn great about your Japanese. "

To which my mother added (oil to fire) : "Trust me, you won't even like Japan after this."

If you are Japanese and you happen to be reading this far, I apologise.

It's true that they have performed devastating and torturous acts. My great-grandfather was one of those who was snatched away during the war one night, and never returned. Gone. And of course, the rape of Nanjing. The invasion of Manchuria, Malaysia, bombing of Pearl Harbour.

And yet, I like Japan. I will gladly eat Japanese food, watch anime, draw manga-style. I find it interesting, just like how you'd find a different culture interesting. I actually bothered to learn Japanese.

Well, the best I can do to defend myself is to say that my interest in Japan focuses more on their language, culture, and tradition, and is somewhat anthropological, instead of their part in the wars, and the killings.

Wouldn't it be illogical then, if I still say this even though I know what they have done?

The best answer I can come up with is this: I'm optimistic. And I'm thankful, for being born into this time period of the 2000s, instead of right into WWII. Remember, it wasn't just the Japanese; there were the Nazis too. At least today, we are more civilised compared to the people of yesteryear (by my reckoning).

I'm optimistic that overall, we will be better off as a human race then we once were. Still, I acknowledge that there are still many problems in this world of ours, still many things that need to be sorted out. Reading the news gives you a shot of reality, but it certainly doesn't do much for optimism.

I don't know what you think, but I would not want to harbour hate towards Japan. I find it tiring, a waste of energy. Yet I'm not stripping off my emotions; I just don't want to find reasons to hate people anymore. I think that after 6 decades, we should've all learnt a lesson from the war already. What has happened has happened, and the only thing we can change, is NOW. The present.

http://seedmagazine.com/content/article/the_reality_tests/

I'm going to read and read the article on top. I think you should too. We have actually come to an age where science has sped up and raised questions which were formerly unknown, or ignored, or simply not been thought of.

This article explores the concept of past, present and future from a quatum science point of view. Apparently, a team of scientists in Vienna have deduced that our 'past' and 'future' are fluid things, and always change. The only thing that ever 'really' exists is the concept of "Now".

They are implying that we do indeed create the environment we live in, just by thinking about it.

I'll post my thoughts on the article either tomorrow or a few days later. Happy reading. Leave some comments if you will. Is my optimism seemingly in contradiction with my logic?