Life is a Mathematical Probability.

Correction. Life is a series of mathematical probabilities.

Yeah, it's another one of those crazy ideas that I hold true for myself. Anyways, the more I think about it the truer it seems.

There has been this concept that writers of science fiction love: parallel realities.

Indeed, if there were many different realities something different would happen in each one, right? Because I think that the outcome of anything depends on many factors. For example, the probability of me being in London now is very very small, but if someone were nice enough to give me a free ticket, and if by chance I have enough money for taxi fare and a hotel, I would be happily sipping a cup of tea over there now.

Unfortunately, no one has showed up at my doorstep to give me a free flight, but it COULD happen. =) Just depends on what people decide to do.

Anyway, I have realised some things about this idea, some practical things.

Firstly, when I use mathematical probability to look at crappy situations, it doesn't seem so bad. Because I always remind myself it's just a probability that the situation went wrong. It could've been better. But for some undissected reason, it chose the sucky probability.

But the probability of you reacting badly to the situation is controlled mostly by one variable--how you choose to react.

My choice has been to treat it as a probability, and just put it behind you. Once it has happened, it technically is considered history. After all it's the now we're really interested in.

I've tried practicing what I preach, and I always feel a lot better after that.

Now there are some things which seem beyond my control. I mean, what are the chances of me getting to met Zachary Quinto and have a full-on conversation with him, right?

I'd probably have to move to LA and end up stalking him or something. =D

But I think the reason why my chances are low is because I feel the need to develop some better conversational skills, and also because meeting Mr. Quinto isn't really part of the list of "VERY IMPORTANT GOALS" that I have somewhere in my brain right now.

But sometime, somewhere, I feel that there is an alternate version of me talking to him right now. =)

So, is mathematical probability really fixed? Or can you change it?

I think that if you have a goal, and you are really fired up about it, and you really feel like plunging straight into it, you can indeed change the probability of success.

I think that if you can really feel that you are doing something good for yourself by achieving a certain goal, no matter how hard you think it is or how tough people say it is, then you will probably not care.

You would probably want to do everything to acheive that goal, so you are inspired to take more action. And as I found out, any action, dumb or smart, is better than not doing anything.

This year I made a resolution to be more social and interactive, and improve conversational skills.

I think it's only the first couple of weeks, but thanks to the clubs at college I've met many nice and interesting people, even though I don't get to see them much except outside class. I've decided to join debate, and actively listen more to people when they talk. I've taken appropriate action, and I feel just a little bit closer to my goal.

Anyway, that's just what I've found out so far. There are people who talk about creating your own reality, and I do believe in that, but it's going to take me quite some time to properly accept it. I mean, in that creating reality thing you can supposedly even change the laws of gravity if you wanted to!

And I just can't really accept shaking up the laws of physics, so I'm gonna stick to working with mathematical probability for now. It's working fine for me.

And probability predicts there are some people who think I'm weird for writing this, but hey, don't knock it till you try it.

And Then It Got Philosophical.

Firstly, thanks to anyone who reads my blog. I know it's quite few right now, but still, at least there are people. =)

Secondly, I'm just so glad to have resolved a niggling feeling that's been occupying my brain since late last year.

A while ago, I was musing whether I should take up physics as a career. Maybe an astrophysicist or something in the quantum mechanics field. Theory and all that, or carrying out experiments to do with smashing atoms and stuff. But then for a long time I've also wanted to do medicine.

For a while all I did was think about it. You can say I thought myself crazy.

Then a few days ago, while reading about dark energy and the universe, it dawned on me that maybe I didn't want to do physics after all.

You see, the reason I like weird things like spacetime and wave-particle duality is because it's something to think about, a puzzle. And I think in a freaky philosophical sense, I associate it with death. Quantum theory speaks of our consciousness observing things. Is there really such a consciousness in animals?

If you put a cat in a box, and it has the probability of dying or being alive in the next hour, and you need a consciousness to observe just one result, does the cat have its own consciousness?

Or does it need a human being to observe it? And what happens to this consciousness when you die? It is still there?

And where did the universe come from? What happens down a black hole?

If I were a physicist I'm afriad I would be thinking all day. I'll probably think myself to insanity; that's just what I tend to do.

On the other hand if I pursued medicine I would be busy at the least. I would be doing things everyday. I would be doing things that would help people. I would be doing things my whole life, and I wouldn't have the chance to think myself to insanity.

And then perhaps I could read and think about physics in my spare time. =)

I think this is the best resolution I have come up with. I'm happy with it.

Simplify.

I realise that we worry a lot. I realise I worry a lot too. If you've read my last entry, you'd realise my "worrying" includes a lot of writing things out.

Now that I'm in a more stable frame of mind, I'd like to just write out what I've learnt during the past few days.

1) The world doesn't just revolve around me


I think I've made this mistake before. I'm quite sure most of us do. When we encounter some problems it becomes our world. We spend our days thinking about those problems, and it just consumes us. It takes a while to step back and look at it objectively (being 'logical' as I call it).

If you think about the fact that our own universe could one day contract, or go on expanding until everything in it is torn apart, your own issues start to look really small.


2) Don't overthink.


Guilty as charged. I think a lot. About death, about life, about what I'm going to do next, about why I'm thinking, about global warming, about aliens, about people on the Earth.

I read somewhere that the only thing you ever have is right now, or the present. If you concentrate on the present, you have no need to worry about the past (it's all just in your memories now) or the future (why worry about something you don't know for sure anyway?)

Anyways, I tried it. I lived my days one hour at a time. I pushed myself into whatever things I was doing. I actually concentrated on the moment I did mundane things like shower and eat. When I showered, I concentrated on showering only.

It's actually quite a pleasurable way to live. Most of my unnecessary thoughts were eliminated when I just focused on whatever I was doing. And in a way, I did feel a little more content, a little more satisfied, and a little less worried.


I hope that whatever what I have just said can help you too, in any way imaginable.

Of Blue-Skinned People and Some Results

Today the college mailed back my results for the first semester exam. Meaning that my parents got to it before I did. Not to brag, but I did good. =) I'm happy I got a good result in Physics, especially since I've developed a newfound interest in it recently.

Today I went to watch Avatar with Lina, Josephine, Imran and Ji Su. Good movie. I loved the graphics and James Cameron's imagination. It's so vivid, and you can really see that he played out his creation with the improved CGI of today.

Synopsis: Jake Sully, a retired US Marine, is sent to a moon called Pandora for a mission where his consciousness is transferred to a blue-skinned body--his avatar. His mission is to collect info in the Na'vi people who live there so that huamns can destroy the forest area and mine the rare mineral needed to solve Earth's Energy crisis.

The Pandora Cameron has created is a forest area, with huge trees for villages that spiral upwards. Large pterodactyl-like creatures serve as living aircraft and mountains float in air, suspended and free from gravity.

The natives are very in tune with nature. Neytiri, one of the main characters, talks about this 'web of energy' that all living creatures have. They only 'borrow' energy as long as they are alive. When you die, you give that energy back.

I couldn't help but think that this is a pretty useful interpretation of death. It certainly made me feel better about it. You are just kind of recycled energy anyway.

The natives also link with their horses and flying dinosaurs by means of connecting their hair to the tiny hairs on the animals. There is this 'bond' between them.

Oh and the interesting part was that their trees have many many things like connected neurons between them. These are like the neurone cells we find in our brains. Only that the tree has like much more, so it serves as a living database. Memories or 'consciousness' of dead people are stored in electrochemical form in the tree.

So you aren't really dead if this is true. There is a sort of afterlife, where people exist in a non-physical form.

So when the natives link with the tree, they can access all memory banks. Very cool. And it just might be possible, maybe in another time, or maybe this needs another planet for life to evolve like this.

I think overall the director was alsotrying to spread a "keep the Earth green" message, because we only really have one to live on for now. I agree.

Starting today, I'll take a moment to feel grateful whenever I blog. Today, I will say thank you to James Cameron for making an insightful and entertaining movie.

Living Life Logically--Day 30

Today is the last day of my 30-day trial of living logically. This is the day on which I decide to either continue living in this way, or not to.

So would I contiune to live logically?

Of course! For as long as I live. =)

These past 30 days have been a great experience for me, and I have learnt a lot about the basis of logic and the line between logic and emotion.

One of my original goals was to get rid of irrational fear, such as fear of noises in the dark, fear of what other people say, and fear of being responsibility and getting things done. I thought, it wouldn't be logical to be afraid of something that you don't even want to approach.

Another goal was to control my emotions and prevent them from taking over me totally. This proved to be quite successful as well, and I am better at dealing with emotions such as frustration and anger. When I usually felt bad, I would ask myself: "Is it logical to waste energy on feeling this way? Or would you rather learn what you have to and get over it?"

This logical lifestyle helped me to get over general laziness as well. Instead of wasting my time hour by hour, now at least I waste it minute by minute. =) I'm still practicing waking up early, like 4.30 am, to get things done. And so far, it's good. I have indeed, cleared up more free time for myself.

There was a little dilemma along the way, which was me wondering whether to be a physicist or study medicine. I've decided--its' medicine, because I think that if I get really good at it, I get to be in touch with people, and then contribute more directly to the advancement of the human race. It's a big hope, but I think it's more logical to be hopeful than pessimistic, since we live in the present, not the future. At the least, you can make your present moment a great one.

Oh, and I saw the Twitter account of a doctor working in the International Space Station which is orbiting around Earth. One day, I would like to be a space doctor too, working in space, floating around in the cosmos. Like Bones from Star Trek! Now this hope, I know, is achievable.

Speaking of Twitter, I used it a LOT during the last 30 days, and I found so many inspirational quotes from very motivating people, who all found me on Twitter by chance. They all share the common belief that how our reality is, is how we want to create it. In other words, your thoughts can actually create things. I do believe in this because there are scientists who actually research such things, for example those from the Institute Of Noetic Sciences (from Dan Brown's book, but it's a real institution). Their findings point to the fact that our thoughts can indeed change things.

Moreover, I experienced a new sense of calm during my logic trial. By not succumbing to destructive emotions, I could actually see bad things as something to learn from, not something designed to stop me. After all, life is a learning process, all of it.

Besides negative emotions, I did actually dissect some positive ones, such as celebrity crushes. I've arrived at the conclusion that part of any crush happens because we feel that we see something in the other person that corresponds to us. For example, I'm always very inspired by the way actors and actresses act on screen, and how they play different emotions and roles so well. There is something about this skill and confidence that I myself wish I had more of (I'm not a very confident person sometimes).

In short, I believe all crushes have this element of admiration that we feel for the other person, something that seems, to me, to be a way of saying we are all connected some way, by consciousness. (See living life logically day 4)

So what's next, you ask? Well, this is only the beginning; I may start a series of new trials with logic, such as using it to improve socially, or using it to ask deeper questions such as "Why are we here?"

But now, I'll probably just take a break for a week or so before starting the next trial.

To anyone who read any part of my blog, thank you for your time. I hope I have inspired you to live a bit more logically. If I haven't, thank you for getting to know my thoughts anyway. ;D

Living Life Logically--Day 29

Wow! It's the 29th day of my logical self-trial. I'll post my verdict on it tomorrow. haha. Keep you waiting.

Well, the college's Scarefest was good. =) Sugee and gang really worked their butts off making the haunted house. Which was a blast, by the way. Appropriately spooky and authentic. Especially that creepy background noise she managed to download... They really had fun. All in all, great!

I went as the female Spock, by the way. It felt so good to be so logical. Really. I felt very 'in the zone', and all I did besides helping out was to feel so happy that the Scarefest was going quite well. I'll just put up a photo here:

From the left: Imran (he was the mad scientist) Esther, (the one dressed as a witch) Isabelle (She did the lighting and sounds for the house) and well, that's me on the very right. Oh, and the bloodstained mannequin which was subject to much molestation.

Speaking of Halloween, I'll talk about brains now. My grandma has Alzheimer's dementia, and while not in the worst stage yet, she has moments where she can't remember who we are or what day it is or what she just did.

It's sad, really. I still wonder why this disease is so common, and as of now there is no fixed cure, only drugs that can stall the progress of the disease. I think I want to read up more on this disease, and I saw some interesting brain books in the bookstore as well, including "My Stroke of Luck" and "Brain Rules".

"My Stroke of Luck" is about the victim of a stroke to the left brain, who is forced to use her right brain instead. The left brain is the logical, analytical side, while the right brain is creative and intuitive. By focusing using her right brain, the author found a whole new sense of inner peace and ascceptance that her left brain wouldn't allow otherwise.

"Brain Rules" talks about how the brain works, how we are programmed for lifelong learning, and how to use your own brain to your best advantage. I plan to buy either both or just one of these books sometime in the future, they seem really interesting. And they seem to give logic a whole new meaning--for me, I think it has to involve emotions, but the only thing is, don't let the emotions overtake you.

Sorry Spock, I don't think cutting out your emotions totally is right. :D

Living Life Logically--Day 27

It has now occurred to me that I may not have made some very logical chocies concerning my time management skills, and my activities.

I mean, Japanese class every Thursday night for 2 hours?

Violin practice every day for the exam.

Applications to universities that must be finished by the early half of next year.

On top of it all, A-levels.

Don't get me wrong--I'm not complaining too much about it. But it is getting a little overwhelming right now. That's why I'm blogging about it--in order to get it out of my system. With all the projects and stuff, ergh.

Not to mention weekends are for 'family time' and stuff so I have to squeeze even more out of my weekdays.

A totally logical person would probably make timetables everyday and follow it. I know I'll kill myself trying to follow a nice fixed timetable, so I've just shrunken it to reminder lists and a list of important dates to keep track of. Not very detailed, but it works. =)

Oh. And sleep. I need to sleep, so that the brain can actually rest. (Unless it's producing freaky time-travel dreams).