Tuesday, June 29, 2010

My Role Models are Big and Funny Guys

Once, I was a broken blogger who was fresh out of ideas. I stared at the empty screen, unmotivated.

Then I discovered http://www.tremendousnews.com/. It's a funny blog, written by the great Dee, who wants to be a screenwriter. He's tremendous, in his own words. Not only that, after I read it, I discovered that I could identify myself with him.

No one has seen Dee's face yet as far as I know. But he says he's a 30-year old man with moobs, who lives in his parents' basement, who cry-dances to various songs. And stalks Alyssa Milano.

Well, I'm a 16-year old girl with jiggly thighs, who spends 90% of the time in her room, and with self-esteem that oscillates between ridiculously high and ridiculously low. And stalks Zachary Quinto. Yes, some similarity there.

In fact, my self-esteem is so ridiculously high I actually imagine this conversation occurring:

Zachary Quinto: Oh look, you've got that South-east Asian girl following you on Twitter. The one with the jiggly thighs.

John Cho: Like totally, dude. Didn't she stalk follow you first though?

It's so ridiculously high I imagine people like to talk about my jiggly thighs. When actually it's only my family.

Scratch that. Only me. And I'm talking to my blog about it.
Well anyways folks. Follow tremendousnews on twitter. Fan him on facebook. Read his blog obsessively like I do. Because to anyone who has experienced the pain of jiggly body parts, this is something you can read while half-crying and half-laughing. Also if you've expereinced the pains of Twitter and Facebook. The man is wise to the social media. Wise, I tell you.

Courtesy of my friend Lina I have sought refuge in the antics of Gabriel Iglesias. Yes, another big and funny man. He does stand-up comedy. With no rehearsed lines. Just spouts out the stuff. In fact, he's not fat, he's FLUFFY! Here's a link to a youtube bit of him if you have not heard of him:


Check out all his other links too!
Here's some fluffy in your face!

Oh I love Gabriel Iglesias. He's a reminder that in our sad sad sometimes degraded world, there is always a big and funny guy you can watch and laugh along with.

Plus he makes me feel better about finishing those last few Oreo cookies that I swore I would not touch. (He likes cake too!)

Monday, June 28, 2010

Doing Bad Things To You

Alrightly guys, it's time for another chapter of my banal life which I aim to make interesting!

Today's post will be about True Blood. Yes, the summer vampire series.

I feel like a hypocrite because of my scathing hate for vampires (It's Twilight's fault, seriously), but I do indeed like True Blood.

I had such a bias towards vampires that I kinda cringed whenever they came on screen because they were so pale. And up till then the only really pale fellow I'd seen on screen was Robert Pattinson. So, eeeh.

But one thing I thank True Blood for is for having a lead like Sookie. Sure, she's a typical blonde waitress. But she's plucky. And doesn't have a permanent expression of nonchalance on her face (hint hint). And she's telepathic and can shoot light out of her hands. And we're left wondering what the hell Sookie is. And she's not thin and sickly with no direction (*koff* Bella *koff*) She can stand up for herself, and she mouths off at Eric. In short, good personality, interesting to watch!

Speaking of Eric, yes, I've fallen into one of those hot-guy-on-TV-traps again. AGAIN. I told myself, no, Youlin, but did the brain listen? No. Bad brain. Bad bad brain.

But I don't think I'd be wrong in saying that Eric is intriguing. He just comes off as a bad-ass vampire at first, but slowly and bit by bit other facets of him are revealed. There's that element of vulnerability present when his maker Godric enters the scene. (For those not in the know, the maker is the one who well, mades the vampire).

Also I've found Eric's eyes to be quite emotive during scenes. Never mind that they're slightly red and puffy, if he's pissed off you'd know it. Character intonation is good too.

Plot wise, I like True Blood. Plenty of action, maybe a little slow at times but there's an element of danger and suspense. Not to mention LaFayette and Jason Stackhouse provide comic relief at times.

And sometimes I get annoyed because most of the vampires in the show speak like they're a hundred levels higher or something. But you know what? They are! I actually like the character concepts for vampires in the show, it has depth at least. It shows all the dirt and grit and it isn't afraid.

And that theme song is darn catchy. I've been singing "I wanna do bad things to you" to everything. My sister. My iPod. My computer. My dog.

On an unrelated side note, I've finished another pencil portrait. This time it's Zachary Quinto as Spock. (Sorry, I HAD to draw it) It was fun attempting the rather fleshy nose and bowl-cut hair. Thinking of drawing an Eric Northman next. Link to the bigger version: click HERE
Okie dokies folks! See ya nother time round!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A Geeky Little Poem of Mine.

There have been several occasions where I've wanted to be an astronomer/astrophysicist. But ultimately, I guess the only thing that I've liked about space is that I have insane dreams and hopes of flying around in it in a huge beautiful spaceship, exploring other planets. Like Futurama, Star Wars/Trek and The Fifth Element. Sometimes I wonder if I'll live long enough for this to happen.

So, I've written a little poem which represents something of these dreams, and what I think it would be like if I were an astronomer of some sort.

The Astronomer

Those feisty little points of light
that we all call the stars.

Some glow dim, some sparkle bright

Some are brilliant enigmas.

When I was young and on a pitch-black night,

They would be strewn across the sky.

But with things like telescopes and Einstein's might,

then only did I start to see why

they actually burnt with that certain red

or some other bluish hue.

Some even went all the way to black

holes that could swallow you.

On a sort of hungry mission

I embraced gravity.

I chewed on nuclear fission

and general relativity.

I kind of lost myself in

that dark abyss called space.

I used to dream that I could win

some fast-paced rocket race.

But no more, because now

I analyse grainy images.

And then I have to find out how

to explain them in the pages

of my latest publication.

There's not much time left for

growing my crazy imagination,

which leaves me a little sore.

I grapple with the mechanics

and solve some complex equations.

Working like some fanatic

bent on finding salvation.

The computer hums, a huge machine

of extensive calculating power.

Strings of data all heaving and lurching

In the background numbers hover.

I used to dream of purple planets

and deep seas of acid green.

But now as my work would have it,

there's only my computer screen.

I discuss object trajectories

and gravitational lensing of light.

Some boring yet exciting territory

but sometimes when I sleep at night

I cast off that technicality

and go back to when I was eight.

In retrofuturistic surreality

the Captain enters the stardate.

I anchor the craft and battle the wrath

of evil aliens cruel with strife.

I hope that before my human death

I'll have the cosmic ride of my life.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Of FMLs and GMHs

Hello world!

Many of you may be familiar with the website http://www.fmylife.com/. It's full of the sad, angry, very unfortunate chronicles of everyday life. I read it and I laugh at people's misfortune. Then I feel bad and sympathise. Then I laugh again. If you've never read it, go. By all means, click on the link.

Yes I know I'm such a horrible person. =P

You can so tell this guy just posted on FML.

Makes you wonder though: How many FML things happen everyday? The website is swamped with tales of not earning enough, bad hygiene, finding out your best friend is pregnant with your boyfriend's kid, finding out your sister is pregnant with your boyfriend's kid, your parents having discussions about YOU on Facebook, etc.

I swear, it makes my jiggly thighs look really appealing.

Then there's http://www.givesmehope.com/ Which is the exact, non bi-polar version of FML. It's so...sweet. So...'awwwww'. It's full of happiness that will stretch your cheeks so much they'll push into your eyes and hurt you.

Sometimes I wish I felt more like this.

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't like happy websites. In fact, I go to them secretly while pretending to the outside world that I'm an unemotional cynical blogger who doesn't care. And then I cry into my pillows at night because I feel for some random person who's had a bit of misfortune but then somethng nice happened to them.

I think I've gone through 3 soggy pillowcases already.

Then it makes me wonder, do those nice things actually happen? I haven't seen much lately. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places. I mean,

Reading the BBC. Oil Spill. Wildlife dead. North Korea and South Korea dispute over a ship. South Korea's rocket failed to launch.

Reading the tabloids: OMG this celebrity is gay! (Or maybe not really, but we don't care do we?) OMG we saw this celebrity pumping petrol! OMG these two random people are dating because they walk next to each other!

I so totally swear these two are dating.

So guys, do you like FML-ing or are you one of those serene GMH-ers? Or are you like me, trying to be funny because you sadly cannot decide on which side you're on? Cbox me, people. Cbox me.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some people to laugh at and some pillowcases to replace.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Rocking That Body

Dear readers,

As it may (or may not) have occurred to you, I'm not very fat, though I'm not exactly the fittest person. Just the other day I was wearing shorts and noticed...

Jiggly thighs. Like quivering slices of bacon, I hit them, and they went boing-boing-boing, vibrating with some weird frequency.

Heck, if I hadn't been so concerned about how flabby they were, I might've even had fun jiggling them.

Anyways, I was indeed concerned about them, so I decided to hop onto my mother's exercise bicycle. Mmm it came with a pseudo-leather seat so that I could feel better about it. Setting my time to 30 minutes of fierce biking, I mobilised my thighs.

Oh wow. At first it was easy. I breezed through 50 cycles in a few minutes. I was going so fast, I could've powered my mobile phone for a while. Then I noticed something.

The "difficulty" wheel was set at 1. 1 out of 8 levels. Dang it, I knew it was too good to be true. Sighing, I cranked it all the way to 6, just to make them muscles suffer. SUFFAH, I tell you.

Oh dear mothership, I felt the strain set in a while later. It built up gradually and ate into the flesh, pulling all those muslces into one massive crying entity. I felt the jelly in my thighs die.

After a while, I got used to it. However, sweat was starting to form now. All over too. The hands, the legs, the forehead. I started to glisten with sweat. Mmm. Shiny. That was probably the only thing that distracted me from my dying legs. Still, I cycled on, on the bicycle that didn't move. Faster! I urged myself. Faster! I pushed as hard as I could, trying my best not to tweak the dial back. I couldn't lose to a bicycle and my jiggly thighs. I just couldn't.

Finally, I stepped off the machine half and hour later. Amid the cocoon of sweat, I could feel the thighs shrink just the tiniest fraction of a centimetre. Still. Better then nothing.

I slapped the thighs, yelling "Who's da man? Huh? Huh?"

"You...are..." they jiggled back.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Science Fiction Should Be More Chick Friendly

Mmmhmm. I love science fiction. I haven't read much of the genre, and I'm not one of those Hardcore! readers, so I'm not totally gone off that end yet. But I must say, I've read my fair share of parallel dimensions, alien romances, and planets orbiting a few suns. I've watched spoofs and movies and I've decided to dedicate a place in my heart to Star Trek. And Star Wars.
But science fiction is such a guy thing. All the books I've read were written by guys. And they do include some pretty hot/seductive/smart/all of these characteristics alien chicks inside. I've not seen much done for the guys, though it may be just because I haven't read so many other books yet.

Where is the justice, man? Where is it?

Though casting Zachary Quinto as Spock was just brilliant and spiffy. Thank you, whoever it was who set off this chain of events. May the Mothership bless your fortunate soul.

I went googling the other day for retrofuturistic pictures (sci-fi from the 1950s 1960s, sci-fi from the past) and found some really nice ones. But,most of the human pin-up ones were of dangerous sci-fi girls. Here you go:

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these pictures.

There is something fatalistic about the future of humankind that draws me to this picture. Notice how all the astronauts are men. Guess this says something about gender equalities back then.

Pretty and incarcerated sci-fi girl.

There was even a "Sexy Robot" series. Click here to go to the page.

I'm sorry, but sometimes I think sci-fi from the past was like the Playboy for geeks.

I like big futuristic cites and I cannot lie. All you other people can't deny.

So readers, if you see any dangerous-looking sci-fi guys whom I can have a field day staring at, don't hesitate to paste the link into the Cbox on the left!

Though with all the TV shows and movies popping up, I think it's just a question of spending a whole day watching TV to find some. Lazy butts here I come!