Life is a Mathematical Probability.

Correction. Life is a series of mathematical probabilities.

Yeah, it's another one of those crazy ideas that I hold true for myself. Anyways, the more I think about it the truer it seems.

There has been this concept that writers of science fiction love: parallel realities.

Indeed, if there were many different realities something different would happen in each one, right? Because I think that the outcome of anything depends on many factors. For example, the probability of me being in London now is very very small, but if someone were nice enough to give me a free ticket, and if by chance I have enough money for taxi fare and a hotel, I would be happily sipping a cup of tea over there now.

Unfortunately, no one has showed up at my doorstep to give me a free flight, but it COULD happen. =) Just depends on what people decide to do.

Anyway, I have realised some things about this idea, some practical things.

Firstly, when I use mathematical probability to look at crappy situations, it doesn't seem so bad. Because I always remind myself it's just a probability that the situation went wrong. It could've been better. But for some undissected reason, it chose the sucky probability.

But the probability of you reacting badly to the situation is controlled mostly by one variable--how you choose to react.

My choice has been to treat it as a probability, and just put it behind you. Once it has happened, it technically is considered history. After all it's the now we're really interested in.

I've tried practicing what I preach, and I always feel a lot better after that.

Now there are some things which seem beyond my control. I mean, what are the chances of me getting to met Zachary Quinto and have a full-on conversation with him, right?

I'd probably have to move to LA and end up stalking him or something. =D

But I think the reason why my chances are low is because I feel the need to develop some better conversational skills, and also because meeting Mr. Quinto isn't really part of the list of "VERY IMPORTANT GOALS" that I have somewhere in my brain right now.

But sometime, somewhere, I feel that there is an alternate version of me talking to him right now. =)

So, is mathematical probability really fixed? Or can you change it?

I think that if you have a goal, and you are really fired up about it, and you really feel like plunging straight into it, you can indeed change the probability of success.

I think that if you can really feel that you are doing something good for yourself by achieving a certain goal, no matter how hard you think it is or how tough people say it is, then you will probably not care.

You would probably want to do everything to acheive that goal, so you are inspired to take more action. And as I found out, any action, dumb or smart, is better than not doing anything.

This year I made a resolution to be more social and interactive, and improve conversational skills.

I think it's only the first couple of weeks, but thanks to the clubs at college I've met many nice and interesting people, even though I don't get to see them much except outside class. I've decided to join debate, and actively listen more to people when they talk. I've taken appropriate action, and I feel just a little bit closer to my goal.

Anyway, that's just what I've found out so far. There are people who talk about creating your own reality, and I do believe in that, but it's going to take me quite some time to properly accept it. I mean, in that creating reality thing you can supposedly even change the laws of gravity if you wanted to!

And I just can't really accept shaking up the laws of physics, so I'm gonna stick to working with mathematical probability for now. It's working fine for me.

And probability predicts there are some people who think I'm weird for writing this, but hey, don't knock it till you try it.

And Then It Got Philosophical.

Firstly, thanks to anyone who reads my blog. I know it's quite few right now, but still, at least there are people. =)

Secondly, I'm just so glad to have resolved a niggling feeling that's been occupying my brain since late last year.

A while ago, I was musing whether I should take up physics as a career. Maybe an astrophysicist or something in the quantum mechanics field. Theory and all that, or carrying out experiments to do with smashing atoms and stuff. But then for a long time I've also wanted to do medicine.

For a while all I did was think about it. You can say I thought myself crazy.

Then a few days ago, while reading about dark energy and the universe, it dawned on me that maybe I didn't want to do physics after all.

You see, the reason I like weird things like spacetime and wave-particle duality is because it's something to think about, a puzzle. And I think in a freaky philosophical sense, I associate it with death. Quantum theory speaks of our consciousness observing things. Is there really such a consciousness in animals?

If you put a cat in a box, and it has the probability of dying or being alive in the next hour, and you need a consciousness to observe just one result, does the cat have its own consciousness?

Or does it need a human being to observe it? And what happens to this consciousness when you die? It is still there?

And where did the universe come from? What happens down a black hole?

If I were a physicist I'm afriad I would be thinking all day. I'll probably think myself to insanity; that's just what I tend to do.

On the other hand if I pursued medicine I would be busy at the least. I would be doing things everyday. I would be doing things that would help people. I would be doing things my whole life, and I wouldn't have the chance to think myself to insanity.

And then perhaps I could read and think about physics in my spare time. =)

I think this is the best resolution I have come up with. I'm happy with it.

Simplify.

I realise that we worry a lot. I realise I worry a lot too. If you've read my last entry, you'd realise my "worrying" includes a lot of writing things out.

Now that I'm in a more stable frame of mind, I'd like to just write out what I've learnt during the past few days.

1) The world doesn't just revolve around me


I think I've made this mistake before. I'm quite sure most of us do. When we encounter some problems it becomes our world. We spend our days thinking about those problems, and it just consumes us. It takes a while to step back and look at it objectively (being 'logical' as I call it).

If you think about the fact that our own universe could one day contract, or go on expanding until everything in it is torn apart, your own issues start to look really small.


2) Don't overthink.


Guilty as charged. I think a lot. About death, about life, about what I'm going to do next, about why I'm thinking, about global warming, about aliens, about people on the Earth.

I read somewhere that the only thing you ever have is right now, or the present. If you concentrate on the present, you have no need to worry about the past (it's all just in your memories now) or the future (why worry about something you don't know for sure anyway?)

Anyways, I tried it. I lived my days one hour at a time. I pushed myself into whatever things I was doing. I actually concentrated on the moment I did mundane things like shower and eat. When I showered, I concentrated on showering only.

It's actually quite a pleasurable way to live. Most of my unnecessary thoughts were eliminated when I just focused on whatever I was doing. And in a way, I did feel a little more content, a little more satisfied, and a little less worried.


I hope that whatever what I have just said can help you too, in any way imaginable.