Thursday, August 19, 2010

Buddha Says.

I have not been the most religious person in my life. My visits to various Buddhist temples mostly involve some Chinese New Year prayers. I don't read the sutras everyday. I don't really go vegetarian.

But one thing Buddha says is VERY true. Its "Desiring is suffering."

But I mean, isn't it human nature to desire? We want to be so much better than we are now, to move forwards, to evolve and such. Then I realised it probably meant personal desire, materialistic desire.

Like how we want new cars, clothes, items, gadgets. I think so. I have seen so many fashion blogs and wishlists--sometimes I wonder what is the drive behind people that causes them to shop and buy and consume and use all these garments, all these accessories.

It's good to look presentable, but why do we keep chasing these fashions? Since they probably repeat every decade or so.

I've faced cases where I wanted things really badly. It was 'suffering', you could say. You want it so badly that you find yourself sucked into a vortex and you cannot come out because your oxygen tank is at the very bottom of that vortex.

For me, the things I have wanted are quite intangible. For example, more friends. Having grown up a painfully shy kid, I suddenly wanted to mingle more for fear of missing out. I guess I musnt've been terribly good at it, because sometimes I make friends whom I cannot keep. I'm not horribly close to people from my primary and secondary schools, though sometimes I wish I had been. It's difficult for me to maintain friendships by calling people if I don't see them every day.

Probably explains why my Facebook wall is so randomised. The people I know are random and all over the place. Friends come, and go.

Also, having grown up with a pathological fear of the opposite sex, there was probably a point when I would have traded my left kidney just for some male attention.

Heck, my left kidney and a slice of my liver. Perhaps I was 'suffering' whenever I'd see a dude with a chick and they were all so happy and la-la-land and all. It was a bit of a 'wallflower' moment, a bit of a 'why not ME???' moment.

I think, screw it. We only want the things that people have. We want the attention that someone else is getting, and we know it. I listened to Buddha. I tried to stop wanting stuff and just let my personality develop.

And at the end of 16 years or so, you have this semi-sarcastic, random, sci-fi crazy chick who is writing internet poop. You know what, I kind of like her. I suppose if you cannot like yourself you can't really expect other people to want to befriend you. And maybe once you feel at peace with yourself then other people won't see your insecurity. Ergo, much easier to talk to others.

When I stopped wanting I felt a bit better. And strangely, now I do somewhat have what I want. Buddha, you are one cool dude.

Pardon this somewhat narcissistic post. I like writing things out. At least I hope that this internet poop will benefit/entertain/make you laugh with pity in some way. 

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